Letter 12. ‘Kissing the outskirts of the wanky bits’ or ‘on Politeness’







It is important to give a vacant seat to an old passenger. Yeah….. it is a very good moral to accept. Remember to smile and stands up… not too quickly .



- Surely. Lovely


- Thanks.

- Pleasure.

- It's funny,


As if you ‘d done it naturally even if the train is moving on the full speed and is maneuvering through the underground tunnels with the density that sweeps you right off own our feet. Don't fall down (it's too awkward), don't smile too excessively,


It’s Pleasure.


otherwise your gesture of offering the seat will look patronising . You are allowed to say a short sentence,


Ice and lemon? - Yes, please!

Oh, that’s lovely! Thanks very much!

but don't engage into anything longer than 4 -tops 5 words.

Nice! It’s nice!

After the transaction of the seat don't raise your chin above your shoulders (about 3 cm up is already a definite ‘no-n0’).

Be prepared to raise: make sure you captured all the Argos and shopping bags, laptop, sketchbook,

OOOps, sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

empty Starbucks paper cup


and your phone. Remember to employ all possible qualities of the natural ease. You don't want to look burdened , uncomfortable - otherwise all of the above might describe your action as heroic. You are just 22, but don't consider it in a moment of standing up -  they might see it tracing through your confidently privileged choreography.


And mind the gap!




- Surely. Lovely



- Thanks.

- Pleasure.

- It's funny,

- Like a drink? - Yes, please.

- What would you like? - Bacardi, please.

- Ice and lemon? - Please.

Like lager, Tony? - I'm OK with Bacardi







tell 'em, Tony. -


Oh Lovely,

Isn’t it lovely?




(stop music)