Letter 4. Sustematic Randomness
The reason I’m putting this chapter down is because I really dislike writing, like too much! I’ve read that a fourth of population are chronic procrastinators, and the reason why I digged out this piece of information isn’t a lucky coincidence.
That’s right, I would rather spend time finding a reason why I can't bloody get cracking with this burning cadillac deadline for my ‘thesis’. I found my fingers dragging down the keyboards so self-indulgently, like dying fingers. I even know where and when I'll make a typo , but I’ll do it anyway. It’s almost like a ritual - lying up that stamp of approval on my self doubt.
Every morning I wake up and I know I have no room for an old routine. In fact I believe I have to invent a new one AND that really excites me. The process of finding a new one should not be predetermined in the scarily clear conscious level, in fact it should be chaotically researched with an outsider kind of method, where one is not aware one is actually working.
I don't know whether it’s a fear of commitment or other bollocks like a fear of failure..? But one thing I know, this morning I woke up and I wanted to procrastinate, but in a productive way, sort of an act of chewing gum with a flavour and also knowing it’s a nicotine one.
Spelling corrector is a good device on this google drive thing, it allows you to go back and correct it all. It’s a perfect tool for procrastinators. Once you correct the word, it’s almost like you erase all your shame, as you forget how many cretin-based mistakes and typos and stylistic repetition you made. As the red gradually disappears from the monitor, you feel self-validated and by re-reading, what you have so-called came up with in the first go (like some freakin’ Alex Katz) you preserve the presence of the self-indulgent satisfaction. Not a trace of memory about the red curvy fried lines….right?
But Why? What if the method can be birthed out from the failure and the repetition of reminding oneself about this failure.
I wrote down all the words I corrected in one text hoping for the absolute segregation of the meaning. I must have made so many mistakes, (so not being bothered by writing this god damn dissertation) that the rapidness of typos became so systematic, that by flipping through these distilled automatic writings, it’s more likely to get the actual linear meaning.
To emphasise the rhythmic structure, I’ve broken the lines down with an ‘Escape’ tool:
Time I Visited Saying
through Login Firstly Registered
Tripled Exhibiting Indifference Towards Presence
People Going Spending Drawing
Couldn't Let With Simply being
Interested In Drawing Because
Occasionally At the People's Front Of
Sunk Because Young Laughs Disdain
Towards The Neither to
So I’ve done a bit of Krapp's Last Tape Beckett’s move and wrote out all the annoying typos from my explanatory text on the methodology of writing out annoying typos. Here it comes:
Fifth Fourth Population
Didn't Incidence Finding
Self I'll Do Lies stamp
Don't Routine Fact I Believe
and Should not Predetermined fear Bollocks
Failure. Morning. Woke.
Spelling It allows
back Correct Without Comprehend
Correct Almost erase
Cretin based typos
Stylistic Repetition Gradually Disappears
The So-called presence - Self-indulgent Satisfaction
But why Failure? repetition?
Reminding Ones The Corrected Separation Meaning
Many Bothered Dissertation
Flipping through Meaning
People's In Scarily conscious
So I’ve done a bit of Krapp's Last Tpae Beket@s move and worte out all the annoying tusi fro mmy explanatory text on the methodology of wrting out annoying tupos. Here it comes: