Letter 5. Reasons to be cheerful.


I also have changed my phone number. My old phone number that is linked to the Instagram account is 07450354932. I'm currently trying to get it back from my previous phone provider, but it will take around 2 working days.


It’s been 5 years now. And every time I think of typing in some horseshit  like “Hi there! Hope you’re well”  or “Would you like to grab a coffee on Sunday?” or  “Would be great to see you at my show next week. Feel free to bring your ‘+1’ , like a a friend or a girlfriend or a… Maybe I should just make another painting, a drawing, a scribble - ‘anything goes’, anything to be validated without that perverse drag to Notting Hill.


The person who hacked my Instagram has changed my username to clemmiedolese_5df (Clemmie Dolese) she has kept some of my pictures , but applauded her own ones (it looks like a porn website now). ‘Not so much because of the bunnies, but rather that it offends me to intrude on a compact order, built even to the finest nets of air, networks in your single room environment that conserves Cage with a cactus, oil pastels with  heavy fluff of the tooth powder, the play between the “Dancing in the Dark” and “Einstein on the Beach”. It hurts me to come into an ambience where someone who lives beautifully has arranged everything like a visible affirmation of their soul, here the Proust that couldn't be finished after the page 44, a large bowl of soap next to the pink phallic book, the green needle cushions there, the crystal ashtray that looks like a bubble that’s been cut open on this exact spot on the little table, and always a perfume, a sound, a sprouting of plants, a photograph of the dead friend, the ritual of applying bleach and reversing it back to indigo …’


Though I haven't seen the guy in 5 years, I left a tiny social media aperture open.

He’s doing well, writes music for Kevin Spacey and  staff. I still live in Morden. The street smells like raw meat all the time. Though you can buy a bag of mung beans for as little as 3 pounds a kilo. 164 is not coming for another 24 minutes...

I need to get out.


My previous username was ‘_tahmina’. I'm an artist and I use Instagram as a platform to post my paintings. The samples of the pictures that were in my profile can be found on tahminaahmedovarustamtatianadadadjonnegmat.com


On Monday I’ve ordered more business cards from “Moo” .





It’s been said about… quite a few of these people who have this life desperation to trash my gallery email box with their CVs, because the vast majority don't hit the air. You just couldn't invent them! I mean you do see some extraordinary people backstage, I mean you tell me, tell me about some of THE worst!  -  there are outpatients of an insane asylum sometimes. I mean you just think - is this a joke?!

They are sooooo BAD , and we ask the question before - do you think you can win this competition. - Yes

Who do you aspire to be?

- You know.. Frank Sinatra, Sophie Calle, Elvis Presley.

Fine! And then they sing the song and I know if I drew it on the napkin now - I’d be out of a tune. But it would probably sound closer to the audio recording of Paul McCarthy's 'Painter' and the theme tune from Bob Ross's television series pieced together.


And these people, after we tell them they are terrible, they are outraged!


Where does the self-delusion come from? Parents? Friends? But overall right now is that we live in the fame epidemic. When I was asked at school what I wanted to be at the age of ten -I would have probably said fireman, racing driver, whatever.

You ask the same group of people now and I guarantee 78 percent would just say  - famous!

I mean if I’m being honest with you, without those the greater compost wouldn't be what it is today. It’s part of the fun where you see all these people painting absolutely terribly . I’m not sure whether we are encouraging this epidemic of simply showcasing them -I don't know. But I love it!

‘Reasons to be cheerful. Part three!’ Bring on the Loonies! I do like them! HAHA We do let the loonies through - occasionally we will.


(stop music)



It does get quite  dangerous in there sometime - I mean they can get nasty, can’t they? Particularly after you kind of put them down. And then you wonder - have I ever been attacked? Physically? By the loonies?

Cause in America we probably have 10 security guards in the room.

Despite that, I always carry this thing in my pocket - next to this piece of paper:


  1. The preservation of life

      2.     Liberty

      3.     The pursuit of happiness


Thomas Jefferson








Canvases critic

Should getting things getting things yourself


Ya'll characters


Above night


Suddenly something already written

That's what’s making


Didn't blank very even